NO-HOPE DAY

Why is this day so long and so sad.

Okay, a relative of mine has just passed away after around 6 months fighting against a terminal disease. Well, I was not so close when he was hearty and healthy but he was a really good friend of my brother.

I visited him around 5 times during my short trip home on vacations. It was short. And we did not talk much.

But the news came as a shock to me, me being a sad and tiring girls turns into a more desperate and pessimistic girl. Good luck there in heaven, an untimely death of a gentle and friendly and hard-working and overall, a nice guy. We will miss you a lot.

All in my head is the worst-case scenario. Okay that’s the peak of sadness in me.

Well I did not think she would take offence at my joking. I meant no harm. Another lesson since the time Minh broke up with his girlfriend. I am so sorry. I meant nothing. We both got our own thinking.

And you know what? I hate conflict and cannot bear silence.

And again, in the depths of despair, I found no one to share my story. Not that they are bad, but I am. I enjoy basking in loneliness and despair just to find out how weak I am, how hard I am pretending to be strong.

Where is all the positive affirmations I have just learnt from NoShy’s training. Seems worthless now, sorry my dear teacher.

I just want to say sorry to my dear roommates, and all I could do I did try. In horoscopes, we are not meant to be good friends. And should I move out? Do you still see me being positive now?

And then the fact that my best friends saw my messages instead of replying to it, once again, implies that they take me for granted. Some girls just act upon their mood, and I have too little patience.

I will joke less now, or am I just being too sensitive. Hey, we are not best friends yet? So lonely inside while around campus, everyone is with their group.

Well, I did have my own club, thank you members for coming. Your very presence meant a lot, and you all wanted a unique style for our club, alright! That’s a lot for me.

Human interaction is inevitable, but too much of it is detrimental to health of INFJ or Aquarius, right.

Always trying to be serious while daydreaming and illusioning

Always trying to smile while broken inside.

But I am still me, and sorry my roommates, I hate the word “artificial”, too.

It is just, a slip of mouth, and seems like too much for you to take.

Hate me, punch me, slap me or something. Silence is my habitat, but intentional silence is something that kills me inside.

Can’t focus on something positive or brighter.

My life is a mess.

How can I be positive while I have 4 slots tomorrow with a contest coming and no idea in my head.

Lonely and homesick deep inside, no one can share!

It is me, being me, okay fine!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s